The Sacrifice We Made
Early in our marriage I stayed home to raise our children. Steve’s 90-minute commute meant timing his drive to avoid rush hour traffic. Because of that, he was out of the house early and home late. Of course, this took a toll on all of us.
Although I never planned to be a stay-at-home mom, we agreed that was important. We rearranged our lifestyle to make that work. And, I postponed my career for nine years.
Trading Time for Money
Steve sacrificed his time for money. He often talked about walking away from his corporate position. Financially, however, it didn’t seem realistic. He suffered from golden handcuffs. Since he was so highly paid, any career move would lower his income and reduce his benefits.
During the past ten years, we’ve gradually reversed roles. As my business coaching continues to grow, so does my income. As a result, I’m now out-earning Steve.
Retire Your Husband from His 9 to 5
About 5 years ago, we sold our counseling agency. Steve finally stepped away from his 9 to 5. That move freed him up.
Giving back to him what he gave to me is one of my burning desires. Finally, he no longer does unfulfilling work simply for a paycheck. Instead, he pursues activities he enjoys. Plus, the work he does for me highlights his strengths.
Yes, I’m the boss. Working for me is different than when I worked for him. Therefore, I don’t want to minimize the unique challenges we’ve experienced along the way.
Let People Talk
People hold onto tradition and old-fashioned ideas without ever questioning them.
We’ve worked side by side throughout our marriage. Most of those years, we followed the traditional model and he was the boss. Now, however, we’re pushing against the status quo.
Since Steve cares what people think about him, working in my business took some courage. Some people were judgmental. Their thoughts, however, were none of our business. Taking the higher road, we decided to ignore narrow-minded input. After all this is our life, not theirs.
Fortunately, we’re professionally trained to challenge limiting beliefs and faulty thinking. The ability to work through our concerns and overcome obstacles is a skill. Because of that, we chose the less popular path rather than the well-worn traditional road.
Carefully Choose Your Role Models
If you and your husband are determined to take your business to another level, then it doesn’t matter whether outsiders talk or not. Realize that the Oprahs of the world don’t achieve success by caring too much about what others think.Retiring your husband from his 9 to 5 can feel as if you're stepping into unchartered territory. Read how to make this work. #shestheboss #getpaidwhatyoureworth Click To Tweet
At times it felt as if we were stepping into unchartered territory. Locally, we knew trust fund babies. But we didn’t know any other woman who retired her husband from his 9 to 5.
Fortunately, my first business coach had navigated this process. She had already accomplished what we were in the process of doing. Therefore I could stand on her shoulders, learning from her trials and tribulations. Her guidance saved us years of frustration and mistakes. The time, money and access to her insights sped up our success.
You deserve a mentor in your life that fully understands your ambition and how to successfully navigate the course, personally and professionally. Don’t over-think this by waiting for ideal circumstances. Let a mentor guide you through all the ups and downs that occur along the way.
Running into a Brick Wall
Before we took the leap, retiring Steve from his 9 to 5, we hit a brick wall. Some obstacles arose that we hadn’t anticipated. All progress suddenly came to a screeching halt.
I’ve hit the brick wall head on before, so it temporarily derailed our momentum rather than totally throw us off our path.
Here’s how the brick wall grabs my attention.
- Direction. There’s a new direction that I’m supposed to take which lies beyond my comfort zone.
- Hesitation. A part of me wants to move forward, while another part hesitates.
- Conflict. Internally there’s a conflicting belief or personal value. That’s why I’m stalling.
- Resistance. Because of that, I don’t know how to move forward in a way that feels genuine or authentic to me.
- Reframe. The resistance disappears once I shift my perspective. Then I’m free to get started in this new direction.
The first time I slammed into the brick wall it seemed like an impossible hurdle to overcome. I now know better. It’s a nudge that I’m stalling because of an inner conflict. Something’s out of alignment.
I grow from these experiences. That’s because I’m only given hurdles that I can rise up to and overcome. By the way, the outcome is always better than I anticipated.
Building the Plane
Being the primary breadwinner is becoming more common for women in America. In 1987, only 12% of couples reported that the wife earned more than her husband. In 2017, the number grew to 28%. A new reality is emerging. The old belief that you cannot out-earn your husband is slowly disappearing.
Another business coach taught me about building the plane as you fly it. That means planning only gets you so far. Start to view your strategic plan as a guide, not a mandate. That’s because some circumstances remain hidden until you get moving.
As you know, business growth isn’t always logical. What occurs in the real world often contradicts the theory that’s taught in school. If we were going to take the safe and narrow route, Steve would opt for the steady paycheck with benefits.
Because we decided to build the plane as we fly it, we didn’t have it all figured out. And yes, planning offers a blueprint. However, even planes that file a flight plan frequently get thrown off course due to weather conditions.
We’ve made plenty of mistakes along the way. But like the plane that veers off course, we simply adjust and course correct.
Don’t Become a Statistic
Don’t allow your success to ruin your marriage. The divorce rate under normal circumstances is high enough. Make sure that your relationship can weather you being the boss at work. Trust, respect and communication are core for a long-lasting joint venture.
Now that Steve’s on my team, I’ve connected with other highly successful women who’ve followed a similar path. Also, a growing number of women plan to retire their husband from his 9 to 5. It makes sense for them to add him to their team.A growing number of women plan to retire their husband from his 9 to 5. It makes sense for them to add him to their team. #shestheboss #getpaidwhatyoureworth Click To Tweet
What I pay attention to will grow. Our work relationship, like our personal relationship, deserves attention. I’ve never taken Steve for granted; that simply leads to problems.
Ready to retire your husband from his 9 to 5? Then avoid these common problems which can split you apart.
- Growth. You’re growing apart rather than together. Personally, you’re growing at a faster rate than he is.
- Roles. Egos create conflict. Because you’re the boss at work, it’s affecting your partnership at home.
- External pressure. It takes a strong man to dismiss any comments from friends and family about working for his wife.
- Ambition. Your drive for success overflows into your personal life. You’ve sacrificed your social activities for networking activities.
- Personality conflict. Your different work styles sometimes clash. You unknowingly shut down his point of view and discourage his suggestions.
Your Best Support and Advocate
As my CSO, Chief Support Officer, Steve provides support in a variety of ways. He’s my best advocate, constantly sharing about our work together. As my life partner, he knows me better than anyone else.
We hold hands all the time. Sometimes it’s to celebrate a win. Others times it’s to offer comfort.
The rewards of working together are worth the risk. If you’re ready to retire your husband from his 9 to 5 and add him to your team, but unsure about the details, then let’s talk. The complimentary strategy session is a dedicated conversation that offers clarity about your best next move.